Strike One
by Veno
Summary: This is a failed attempt at a DoA/Halo crossover. I was going to trash it, but found myself amused when i reread it. Read at your own discretion and know that, since this is a failed project, all flames will be ignored.


Disclaimer: Neither Halo nor Dead or Alive belong to me. None of the characters or settings from the respective games either. If you're on site with _fanfiction_ in the name, I'm sure you realize that already. So this is really a waste of time. Actually. Seriously. It's pointless.

Summary: What if, in her efforts to return home, Nicole (Spartan-458) accidently brought along a few unexpected guests? With the Covenant pressing mankind harder than ever, there's no guarantee that anyone will be left alive…

A/N: If you're easily offended, this first chapter is not for you. If you're kinda easily offended this first chapter is not for you. If you're not on something, chances are, this first chapter is not for you. I was hella sleepy when I did this first chap so, it sucks. It's nothing like the rest of the story. I may replace it later but whatever. This fic is totally non-canon. DoA to Halo cross to a Human-Covenant War that doesn't exist with an MC that isn't floating out in where-the-fuck-ever. Don't care that it doesn't stick to the 'official' story because that story isn't mine. This one is. Um… come back for the second chapter because it will be infinitely better than this one.

Chapter 1: Time/Space Machine

The room that had once served as Alpha-152's birthing chamber now housed the time machine that Spartan-458 had 'convinced' Helena Douglas to build for her. After 'recruiting' some help from top professionals and 'acquiring' some government funding, the Spartan's ticket home was finally finished. There was just one or two things bothering her.

"Um … Helena?" she said, tugging the woman's infinitely long ponytail.

"What is it, Nicole?" she snapped, snatching her hair from the Spartan's grip. She cleared her throat, then continued in her usual, gentle voice. "How many times do I have to tell you to quit doing that? You're like a child sometimes.."

"It's your own fault for keeping such- wait, that's not the point. Why are all of these people here?" Nicole responded as she gestured toward the congregation of fighters behind her.

The former opera singer started a long winded, overly complicated, fancifully worded explanation of the reason behind the presence of all the fighters. Nicole just looked at her as though the blonde needed a helmet.

"So basically, those four ninjas won't leave you alone. The homo commando owes you because of some stupid shit he did, and desert homo right there is homo commando's 'friend' so he had to tag along." Nicole ignored the angered yells of the aforementioned homos and ninjas and waited for Helena to confirm her status so far.

"You're correct thus far," the blonde said as she continued tapping on her control panel.

"That hyper-active 'black' guy is stalking you hoping to get lucky. That black wrestler slut works for you, the white one is trying to fight the black one, and the fat ass is the white one's dad with a daughter complex. Then there's Liu Kang screaming like a tasmanian devil has him by the balls just wants attention, the snobby chinese chick wants Liu Kang's nuts. Or to kick him in the nuts. Whatever. The airhead German girl is tagging along with them for no apparent reason. The Japanese girl is your half sister, the old drunk guy is a pedophile and the little blonde boy that looks like you is that really old guy's apprentice." Nicole pointed to each group as she named them, and got to all of them, but something didn't quite fit. She frowned behind her visor.

"Splendid Nicole. You really are good at using such barbaric language," Helena said, sounding very much like an older sister praising the younger for failing. Nicole didn't respond. "What's wrong? Normally you would have said something by now."

That really bothered her. What wasn't fitting? It wasn't the suddenly hostile atmosphere, that just made the place more comfortable. She hadn't missed anyone, so what? Then something clicked in her head.

"That's it!" she exclaimed happily as she clapped her gauntleted hands together. "Why's the geezer here?"

Helena's hands stopped on the keyboard and she frowned up at the Spartan. She looked over at the old man before going back to the keyboard.

"I really don't know. Not like it matters all that much."

"Since it doesn't matter to you, I'll take a few liberties with this problem." Before Helena could even draw breath to try to stop her, Nicole drew her pistol and splattered Gen Fu's brain across the wall and floor. Eliot, so drunk that he was constantly being woken up by Brad, simply laughed at seeing his master's head explode into a mess of blood and bone fragments. Then he passed out.

"That was uncalled for. Now you've made a mess. And he was one of the top fighters," Helena said stoically. She glared at the Spartan a moment, then went back to the keyboard. "Alright, it should be good to go. Now just go stand on the platform over there and I'll send you on your way."

Nicole nodded and did as she was told. She didn't allow herself to hesitate, even though a part of her pulled and clawed for control. All that waited for her back in her time was war and death. There would be no happiness, no luxury. This tournament truly was child's play compared to the horrors of the war that lay ahead of her. But, such was the life of a Spartan. Given the oppurtunity to carry out her mission, she would give her life going forward without hesitation. Without another thought, she stepped onto the platform.

"Have a safe trip," Helena said before perfunctorily pressing a button on the keyboard. The machine whined and chimed, but nothing happened. "What…?" she hit the button again, and again, no result.

"Is it going to work?" Nicole asked, her body suddenly itching for some _real_ combat.

"Yes just give me a minute…"

Thirty minutes later, Nicole was done waiting.

"Fuck it!" Stomping over to the control panel Helena was tenderly tapping at, she slammed her massive Spartan fist into the console, crushing the useless piece of trash into the floor.

The time machine bucked and whirred angrily. The room filled with light and some other crazy shit happened. Nicole had tried acid once, and it was a similar feeling, minus the random gargoyles. That shit was creepy. The light was blinding, even through her visor and tightly shut eyes. Then it seemed to become tangible and she passed out.

A/N: First off, let me apologize. This is NOT what I had in mind. But I'm pretty fukin sleepy right now and yeah… other shit. Anyway, if you like this chapter, feel free to read it again and again because you're probably the kind of person that's easily amused. (don't be offended, I'm the same way sometimes). If you recognize this chapter for the pure and utter shit it is, don't worry. The rest of the story will be serious. I'll write the way I'm supposed to. To Gen Fu fans, sorry. I hate that asshole so I just busted a cap in him and had it done with. Compared to what some other characters are going to get, he had it good. Keep checking back and it'll get better. Probably.


End file.
